So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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