Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize