i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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