OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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