I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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