I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize