hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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