If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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