I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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