i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize