standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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