So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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