Your dad touched me again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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