Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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