i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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