I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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