I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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