I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im drinking this country out of the recession.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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