Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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