my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize