I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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