So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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