He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize