I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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