I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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