I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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