is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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