Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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