Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize