i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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