He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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