Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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