i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize