you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize