when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize