i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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