Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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