I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
