Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
