sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
