New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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