could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize