I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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