Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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