Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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