"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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