i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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