Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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