I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize