so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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