Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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