Someone shit on the floor
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize