i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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